18/52 – Motherhood
I’m a mother through adoption and a mother through birth. I’m a mother in a household led by two moms. My big kids call me Mom, or other Mom. My baby calls me Mummumumum…I think.
Being a mother is the most important and most daunting role I’ve ever taken on. You have the opportunity to shape a person and the person they become in the world. There’s a lot at stake here, and since you’re a mother for life, there are countless opportunities to seriously screw it up. And even more opportunities to get it right.
While I am a mother to three kids, I mother each of them differently. They don’t all march to the same drumbeat, yet to keep them marching somewhat along a similar trajectory, their mother and I have to be skilled, flexible and adept in our mothering styles. Sometimes we are gentle; sometimes we are firm. Sometimes we are wise; sometimes we make really big mistakes.
I think I’m doing well. I’m pretty okay at this motherhood gig. I doubt myself all of the time, and I constantly question whether or not I am the best or the right mother for our kids. But I’m not sure any other mother could have done better.
It’s when we see our families the few times a year that we have a chance to visit, that I get the reassurance I need. When our mothers how tell us how proud they are of our mothering, that they can’t believe we’ve done so well with our kids, that they’re now pretty great human beings, it’s only then that I think we’re doing okay. That maybe we’re even doing better than okay. That maybe, just maybe, I was meant to be a mother.
I had a great time in the very short photoshoot I managed to squeeze in with the Doodle this morning. I initially pictured one thing for this shoot (a close up with her looking very peaceful while resting on my chest in some gorgeous light) only I forgot that the Doodle is now a toddler that won’t sit still. I also thought I’d try to get a family shot, however, the big kids aren’t so photo-cooperative these days. It would have been its own delightful chaotic mess.
This was a one-off shot that I took as I was re-arranging the tripod.
The photo below was the third shot of the shoot. I was actually just setting up the tripod and trying to line up the background and test my lighting when I managed to capture this shot of the Doodle and I. This is her “o” face. Her Dee Dee makes the exact same face.
I managed to show some restraint, and I’ve left a few of the breastfeeding shots I took off of the internet much to Otto’s relief I’m sure. Otto wasn’t sure if I should share this photo, and neither am I. It’s one of those sorta naked beautiful shots…I think. I wish I had of got my whole head into the frame, however, when you’re shooting self-portraits, you’re never sure what you have until you actually get back to the camera to have a look.
So this is me. Early in the morning, non-showered, no make-up (not that I ever wear much anyway), in a post-pregnant body (which frankly, is much better than the pre-pregnant one in many ways). This is what 34-year-old women who have had babies look like. It’s my own little Do.ve commercial. The Doodle and I have matching rolls!
I was torn between the black and white, and colour version of the photo of the week for my project 52. While I could only pick one photo to be the photo, I’m going to sneak in the colour version here.